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テクニカル・ライティングの要点 ドキュメント編 2001.5.26 ドキュメントレベルでは、以下の7項目に注意を払うと、理解しやすいドキュメントを作成することができます。
理解しやすく、読みやすいパラグラフを構成するためには、各パラグラフに要約文が必要です。また、「総論から各論へ」を考慮すれば、その要約文はパラグラフの先頭に置くべきです。 下記のパラグラフを検討してみましょう。 If you go in a company, or even in pairs, it is no longer a walking tour in anything but name; it is something else and more in the nature of a picnic. For awalking tour freedom is of the essence; because you should be able to stop and go on, and follow this way or that, as the freak takes you; and because you must have your own pace, and neither trot alongside a champion walker, nor mince in time with a girl. And you must be open to all impressions and let your thoughts take colour from what you see. You should be as a pipe for any wind to play upon. "I cannot see the wit," says Hazlitt, "of walking and talking at the same time. When I am in the country, I wish to vegetate like the country," which is the gist of all that can be said upon the matter. There should be no cackle of voices at your elbow, to jar on the meditative silence of the morning.
このパラグラフに下記のような要約文が先頭にあれば、ずっと理解しやすくなります。
Now, to be properly enjoyed, a walking tour should be gone upon alone.
読者の混乱を防ぐため、1つのパラグラフでは1つのトピックだけを述べます。前述のように要約文をパラグラフの先頭に置くことにより、1つのパラグラフで複数のトピックを述べることを防ぐことができます。
以下の文章を検討してみましょう。 The names of the constellations in use today have come down to us from the time of the Romans and from the even more ancient Greeks. What the Greeks knew about the stars came partly from the Babylonians. The Babylonians named some of their star figures after animals and others after kings, queens, and heroes of their myths. Later, the Greeks changed many of these Babylonian names to the names of their own heroes such as Hercules, Orion, and Perseus. The Romans made further changes. The same ancient names are still used, but it is not always easy to make out in the sky the figures that suggested them. For example, Aquila is the eagle, Canis Major and Canis Minor are big and little dogs, and Libra is the scales, but the constellations don't look much like these figures to us.
第二パラグラフでは、星座の名前がどこから来ているかという話題と、名前の示すような形に星座が見えないという話題の2つを述べています。星座の名前がどこから来ているかという話題については、第一パラグラフですべて述べ、第二パラグラフでは、星座は、名前の示すような形には見えないという話題だけを述べるべきです。
論理的にパラグラフを構成しようとすれば、論理展開のパターンを意識し、そのパターンにのっとって、各文を論理的なオーダーで並べなければなりません。オーダーがバラバラであったり、途中が抜けたりすると論理性を欠いたパラグラフとなります。当たり前のように感じるかも知れないが、実際に少し長い文を書かせると、とたんにこの常識が守れなくなるものです。
ここで紹介しているパターンについては、『科学技術英語の実例と書き方』 篠田義明他 南雲堂 を参照しています。詳細はこの本をご覧下さい。
パターンの種類
次のエッセイのパターンとオーダーを検討してみましょう。 Employees' trainings are vigorously conducted in the Japanese companies. But, the recent overheated upheaval on the employees' education under the name of human resource development contrarily implies that both the company and the employees are not necessarily satisfied with the trainings. （問題）
This unsatisfactory situation derives from vagueness of the final goal for the training. The relationship between what the participants are expected from the training and the job outputs expected by the company as a result of the training is not told clearly to the participants by anyone. （原因）
The participants, getting back to the work office after the training, carry on the same thing that they were doing before the training. The brand-new knowledge acquired in the training becomes obsolete and never be updated. The employees try to participate in another new course again and again at around the time when they totally forget about the last course.（問題）
A cross-point of the company and its training exists where the training may make the employee enable to bring about the expected job outputs that he or she was unable to do before.
Without this cross-point, Japanese companies have been giving the employees implicit hints about the job outputs to select some who could produce the expected outputs with good inspiration. This means, for instance, that company has invested the educational cost including opportunity losses for 10 persons in order to select only one. It turns out that the company cannot hold the satisfactory human resources justifying the investment, while the remaining majority are loosing their motivation and royalty to the company. （問題）
If the company really want to have necessary human resource, the requirements on the expected job outputs should be explicitly stated to the employee: what should he or she be able to do; to what extent (how well); by when, under what conditions. （解決）
The company's requirements should be set as the final goal for the training. The employee, on the other hand, should endeavor to achieve the goal, and should be fairly evaluated with the job outputs as a reward of his or her effort dedicated to the training.（解決）
Technical innovation is necessary in Japan's training field as well as its hardware innovation. Design and development for a new training course from which both the company and the employees can enjoy the mutual benefits should be urged.
Problems are: how does the company have the employee achieve the goal efficiently and productively; and how does the employee prove himself or herself to be able to contribute to the company by producing the expected job outputs. （問題）
このエッセイでの論理的な話の展開は、問題−原因−解決 となるべきです。しかし、実際にはこの順序が入り乱れており、何が問題で、何が原因で、どうすれば解決するのかがわかりにくくなっています。問題は問題で、原因は原因で、解決は解決で、まとめるべきです。また、全体を要約したパラグラフが先頭にあるとさらにわかりやすくなります。 次のパラグラフを検討してみましょう。 The accident occurred when D. Friesen was checking in at the Remick Airlines counter. K. Trane, a Remick Airlines representative, took details of the incident and will be calling you to discuss compensation. The damaged camera received a 11/2-inch crack across the back. When the passenger ahead of D. Friesen moved a carry-on bag from the counter, its shoulder strap tangled with the carrying strap of the company Polaroid camera and pulled it to the floor. D. Friesen had placed the camera on the counter while he completed flight boarding procedure. このパラグラフでは、物事が効果的な時系列で並んでいません。それで理解しにくくなっているのです。以下のように直すとよいでしょう。 The accident occurred when D. Friesen was checking in at the Remick Airlines counter. He placed company Polaroid camera on the counter while he completed flight boarding procedure. When the passenger ahead of him lifted a carry-on bag from the counter, its shoulder strap tangled with the carrying strap of the camera and pulled the camera to the floor. D. Friesen examined the camera and discovered a 11/2-inch crack across the back. Remick Airlines' representative K. Trane took details of the incident and will be calling you to discuss compensation.
ものを比較対照する場合は、パラレリズムを守って、同じ形を維持します。これにより読者は、文章の展開が予想でき、比較対照しやすくなります。
効果的な例 In the late 1970s, layout design was partly computerized. This computerization was not that computers themselves designed the layout, but that engineers designed the layout with computers instead of the color film. It might be a small step in view of time saving. However, it was a great step in the long view.
In the early 1980s, layout verification was partly computerized. This computerization saved a lot of design time. Engineers did not have to spend a lot of time any more to check all the transistor sizes and all the distances between any two patterns one by one with measures.
上記の2つのパラグラフでは、両方のパラグラフとも、「何年に何がコンピュータ化されたか」、「それによって設計作業がどう変化したのか」、「それによって設計がどれだけ効率化したか」を順番に説明しています。
次の文を検討しましょう。 The PERSEUS is more portable. The PERSEUS weights only 1.5Kg while the SCORPION weights 2.0Kg. The PERSEUS weights 25% less than the SCORPION. The portability is the most important criteria for road warriors. You can take the PERSEUS anywhere, anytime in your briefcase.
The PERSEUS operates for longer hours. The PERSEUS operates for 4 hours on a rechargeable battery, while the SCORPION operates for 3 hours. The PERSEUS operates 33% longer than the SCORPION. The PERSEUS is equipped with a larger size display. You can make a presentation for your customers with the PERSEUS wide display.
この文章はPERSEUSの3つの特徴を述べています。第一パラグラフでは、第一の特徴と、SCORPIONとの比較、その特徴が実務でどう便利かについて述べています。しかし、第二パラグラフでは、第二の特徴が実務でどう便利かについては述べてませんし、第三パラグラフでは第三の特徴についてのSCORPIONとの比較が述べられていません。このような情報の漏れがあれば、文章の説得力が失われますし、理解しにくくなることもあります。
論理的なパラグラフを構成するためには、パラグラフ中の各文の主語は、下記のルールに従って選択されなければなりません。
これは、絶えず既知なものから文を始めることにより、新しい内容を、唐突な印象を与えずに読者に伝えるためです。
例1：キーワードで主語が統一された例
例2：論理的に主語が移行している例
例3：突然前述されていない語が主語になったため論理性を欠いた例
下記のパラグラフを検討してみよう。 On July 9, 1989, Young Excavating company was digging a sewer-line trench for a mobile home park located in the southeastern portion of Webster Township. An OSHA field inspector examined this trench on that same date. He observed that the trench was open for a distance in excess of one hundred feet, that it was at least seven feet deep, and that it was nine feet wide at the top. A backhoe was continuing the excavation. Three employees were in the trench near where the backhoe was working. （J.C.Mathes & Dwight W.Stevenson, DESIGNING TECHNICAL REPORTS, Macmillan Publishing, 1991より引用）
第二センテンスは、An OSHA field inspectorが主語であるが、いかにも唐突です。前の文でtrenchについて述べているのだから、ここでもtrenchを主語にして下記のようにすると、全体の流れがよくなります。
This trench was examined by an OSHA field inspector on that same date.
このように、主語の流れを考えれば、能動態／受動態は自然と決まります。受動態を慎むように言う人も多いですが、文の流れを考慮するれば、受動態にもそれなりの効果があることがわかります。
読者が文から文へスムースに移行できるよう、接続語句を効果的に使用して、文と文を接続します。接続語句は、読者にこの次にはどういう内容を述べるかの合図となり、読者は心の準備ができるので、文章が理解しやすくなります。
以下に代表的な接続語句を上げます。 By Addition and, again, and then, besides, equally important, finally, further, furthermore, nor, too, next, lastly, what's more By Comparison whereas, but, on the other hand, except, by comparison, where, compared to, up against, balanced against, vis a vis, but, although, conversely, meanwhile, after all, in contrast, although this may be true By Proof because, for, since, for the same reason, obviously, evidently, furthermore, moreover, besides, indeed, in fact, in addition, in any case, that is By Exception yet, still, however, nevertheless, in spite of, despite, of course, once in a while, sometimes By Emphasis definitely, extremely, absolutely, positively, naturally, surprisingly, always, forever, perennially, eternally, never, emphatically, unquestionably, without a doubt, certainly, undeniably, without reservation By Sequence first, second, third, and so forth. A, B, C, and so forth. next, then, following this, at this time, now, at this point, after, afterward, subsequently, finally, consequently, previously, before this, simultaneously, concurrently, thus, therefore, hence, next, and then, soon By Example for example, for instance, in this case, in another case, on this occasion, in this situation, take the case of ..., to demonstrate, to illustrate, as an illustration By Summary or Conclusion in brief, on the whole, summing up, to conclude, in conclusion, as I have shown, as I have said, hence, therefore, accordingly, thus, as a result
あえて詳しく述べるまでもないので詳解は省略します。見た目の読みやすさはドキュメント作成上、非常に重要なことです。しかし、これを軽んじている人も非常に多いので、再度確認することをお勧めします。
書き手の目的や要求を達成するように書くのではなく、同じ内容でも、読み手の目的や要求を達成するように書きます。（これは“you attitude”と呼ばれています）
ビジネスを有利に進めるため、ネガティブな情報の発信には工夫します。内容的にはネガティブであってもできるだけポジティブに表現するよう心がけましょう。どうしてもネガティブにならざる得ない場合は、その情報をE-mail本文の真ん中に、さらにパラグラフの真ん中に置くようにします。
効果的な例（求職に対しての断り） Thank you for giving us the occasion to consider you for employment.
We have carefully reviewed your background and qualifications and find that we do not have an appropriate position for you at this time. If one should develop, however, we will be pleased to contact you.
We appreciate your interest in ABC Company and wish you success in your search.
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